Death, Where is thy Sting?

I don’t handle death very well. I know that’s true for most people, but I was one of the fortunate ones whose life was untouched by death for a long time. For forty years, death and I had an understanding – it would leave my loved ones alone and I…well, I guess I really didn’t have anything to offer in return. For forty years, death was a nebulous concept, one I did not have to think on. Other than having one of my cat’s kittens die in my hands when I was in my twenties, death did not directly affect my life.

In January of 2009, all that changed. Paul Geer, my father-in-law, passed away. Although he had only been in my life a little less than three years, he was very dear to me. He and I had similar reading interests and could discuss books for hours. I also was able to have deep, Biblical discussions in which I learned so much. And my fondest memory is the one time I got to go fishing with him. It was my first time ever fishing – being from Brooklyn, New York, I did not have many – any – opportunities to fish as a kid. It was a wonderful bonding experience, and only one of many great experiences. And then death broke our pact and took someone close to me.

It was hard adjusting to the thought that my father-in-law was no longer around, that I would never be able to see him or speak to him again this side of Heaven, but I couldn’t fall apart, because my wife needed me more than ever. She was a daddy’s girl and absolutely devastated by his loss. I did the best I could to fill those VERY BIG shoes for her. And time, as it always does, marched on. Death and I had a different understanding now. It had moved closer into my life, and I didn’t like it one bit.

If I’m to be completely honest, I suppose death first started invading my territory in February of 2008. Our marriage still had that new car smell, and life was good. Not perfect, but definitely good. One weekend, Heather started feeling bad, but chalked it up as the flu or something similar. But she kept getting worse, and I finally convinced her I needed to take her to the hospital. It was not the flu. It was a severe case of diabetic ketoacidosis. Her blood sugar was at 800. Her triglycerides were in the thousands. The doctors said if she’d waited one more day to be admitted, she could have died.

From that point on, her health was never quite the same. There were some good days, but the down days outweighed them by a long shot. The specter of death was never too far away. She kept telling me, semi-jokingly, that she could die any day. I refused to believe. Even after her father passed away, I refused to believe that death would have the audacity to invade our home.

The beginning of the end happened on October 30, 2010. We were supposed to be taking all the nieces and nephews to a “Trunk or Treat” being held at a church, but she wasn’t feeling well. And, having seen her push through pain in order to be there for the kids, I can’t even imagine how terrible the pain had to be to keep her from being there for them. It just kept getting worse and worse through the night, to the point where she had to go home. I couldn’t stay the night with her because I had to help her mom with the kids’ sleepover. In the morning, she seemed to be better, and it seemed like that was that. But Tuesday, when she went to the doctor and told him what she had been feeling, he decided to run some tests on her. It turned out she had been suffering a heart attack that night. He got her admitted to the hospital, where they found she had complete blockage in one artery and major blockage in two others. They put in stents to repair the complete blockage and planned to do the others in a couple of weeks, after her heart had had time to heal from the surgery. She stayed in the hospital until Saturday, the 6^th. She seemed to be in a better mood, and she felt great.

Sunday, she had a bad episode where her blood sugar dropped dangerously low, but between her mom and I, we managed to get her feeling better. Heather and I said our good nights and our “I love you”s, something we did every night, even those nights when we were mad at each other. It reminds me of the advice that Ryan, her brother, gave me on our wedding day. He said, “You may not always like each other, but always love each other.” Wise words. Then we slept, and while we slept, death barged into our house.

It’s the strangest feeling. One moment, I close my eyes, in the next moment I open them and life has changed irrevocably. I fall asleep a married man, and I wake up a widower. And death and I became enemies.

Why is all this on my mind today? Because today would have been our fourth wedding anniversary. So, I’m reminded of what could have been, what should have been if not for death, the enemy that comes for us all in the end.

But…

As a Christian, I know death is not the end. I know that, as powerful as death may be, there is One greater than death who has conquered death and who has promised us eternal life. We all know the verse, John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” Everlasting life. That is a concept I can’t even begin to imagine. Death will be “swallowed up in victory”.(1 Cor 15:54) All those who trust in Jesus, who believe in Jesus, will only sleep for a while and wake up to find themselves in the presence of their Lord and Savior. That’s where Heather is. That’s where Heather’s father is. And, someday, that’s where I’ll be. Forever. One of my favorite verses of “Amazing Grace” says:

When we’ve been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.

It blows my mind and makes me realize that the cares of this world are but a wink in the eye of eternity. And, quick as a wink, we can find ourselves or our loved ones on the other side of eternity. Because we never know what can happen from one second to another, we need to always ensure we let the people we love know that we love them, because we never know when we’ll see them for the last time. We need to let go of resentments and grudges, because we never know if today is the last day to mend fences. We can’t count on tomorrow, because tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us. Which is why I say, take a step out of that box, tell someone – tell everyone! – how you feel about them today.

For those who don’t’ trust in Jesus, who haven’t made up your minds about him, or who believe that you can live as you like and make a deathbed confession, it’s even more important for you to realize that any breath could be your last. Jesus made it clear that those who don’t trust in him but would rather carry on in their sinful lives shall be cast “into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.”(Mat. 13:42) And that also will be for eternity. If this thought makes anyone uncomfortable – good. God is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.” (2 Pet 3:9) He loves each and every one of you and is offering you eternal life. Eternal. Life. Now that is really way out of the box.