PLUM Loco

BREAKING NEWS

An epidemic is sweeping our nation. Thousands are invading our borders. Law enforcement and medical resources are being stretched to the limit. These invaders are not looking for work. They’re not paying taxes. They’re not learning our language. They are solely focused on their self-interests. And brains.

These zombies, otherwise known as “Post-Life Undocumented Migrants,” are disrupting the lives of millions of citizens, yet the government seems to be doing nothing to assist in stopping the invasion. Some politicians have recommended transferring some PLUMs to other cities; they cite humanitarian reasons, saying that by sharing the burden, it will be lessened. Pundits, on the other hand, have suggested that the PLUMs could help the politicians win upcoming elections, assuming they can be trained to push the proper buttons.

Citizens are massing at the borders in an attempt to stop the influx of PLUMs, but are being continually accosted by protesters who state that PLUMs have every right to be in this country. Some protesters are handcuffing themselves to the PLUMs, which often results in their brains being eaten by the PLUM they’re trying to protect. The ACLU has also joined the battle, suing for discrimination and claiming PLUMs have a right to co-exist with Americans.

Meanwhile, reports are coming in that PLUMs are wreaking havoc across the country, except in Washington, D.C., which the PLUMs have been avoiding. Experts surmise that it’s due to the city’s lack of sustenance.