One Moment in Time

This is a blog I’ve been wanting to write for a little over a month, but it never seemed appropriate until now. I had learned a phrase in the middle of September that I had never heard before. I had understood the concept behind it, but I’d never had a simple, succinct way of saying it. Now I do. Ichigo ichie.


Ichigo ichie is a Japanese term that can be translated literally as “one moment, one encounter”. The basic premise behind this phrase is that each moment is unique and can never be duplicated, so each moment must be appreciated completely.

One particular situation in which this phrase comes into play is in a Japanese tea ceremony. The ceremony is the same every time, and yet each ceremony is different because of the people involved, the way the aromas mingle, and many other factors. Thus, although the ceremony is always the same, it is never the same ceremony.

Another aspect of ichigo ichie is the chance encounter of two people who may have never met if not for a particular set of circumstances. An example in my life is the moment I saw the ad for the audition for “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”. I didn’t realize at the time that it would be the moment that resulted in me being on the show and meeting Meredith Vieira. And we all have stories like that. “If it hadn’t been for…this would never have happened.” That’s ichigo ichie. One Moment. One encounter. There is a very popular movie that is particularly dear to me that fully embraces this concept. It’s the story of a man who has many encounters with famous people due to a particular set of circumstances. This man appreciates those moments and fully connects with the people during those moments.  His life, and sometimes theirs, is changed by the encounter. The Japanese name for this film is, appropriately enough, “Ichogo Ichie”, but you may know it better as “Forrest Gump”.

Ichigo ichie is something I can, and should, embrace as a Christian. I need to cherish every moment, every encounter with someone else, because that could be my final, or only, moment with that person. If I don’t fully connect, I could miss something amazing, and if my encounter is with someone who is not a Christian, it could be that the time I spend with that person could be what brings them closer to, or drives them  further from, Christ. I understand this all too well from personal experience. Many, many, MANY years ago, I first met Rob. We became fast friends, and little did I know that by meeting him, I had taken my first step toward becoming a Christian. It took many years and a lot of discussions with Rob before I gave my life to Jesus. And today, I could be the first step on someone else’s path. In some cases, I may get to see the fruit of that, and in other cases, I may never know if I made a difference. But, the point is, I should approach each moment, each encounter, as if it’s once in a lifetime. Because, honestly, it is.

As I mentioned, this is something I’ve been wanting to write about for some time, but other things seemed to come to the forefront in my ramblings. But Saturday, when I was at Painting with a Twist, I really got to see a visual representation of ichigo ichie. There were twelve people in that class. Those twelve people started with the same canvas, the same paints, the same brushes, and the same instruction. Yet, at the end of the class, there were twelve different paintings. Even if the twelve of us were to go back and take the same class, in the same positions, the twelve paintings for that class would also be different from each other, and even different from the first twelve.

Now, imagine your day is that canvas. Your paints and your brushes are the twenty four hours you’re given. Each day, each painting is going to be different, even if you feel like you’re stuck in a routine. Even if it’s the same ceremony, the ceremony is never the same. What colors will you use? Will the painting be something you can look on with pride at the end of the day? Or will it have some parts you’ll wish you could have painted over? Unlike a canvas, when the day is done, there is no painting over the parts you didn’t like and there’s no filling in the blank spaces of missed opportunity. Make every day a masterpiece.

Ichigo ichie!

My skydiving countdown ticker

Good to the last drop! – 8/28/06

As my long-time (and maybe even my short-time!) readers know, I’ve been spending the last few weeks revisiting a study I had done on the fruits of the Spirit five years ago, and comparing my thoughts back then with my thoughts now. Here, for your reading pleasure, is my blog on goodness from 2006.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance; against such there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22,23)

“The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.  They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.  The Lord looked down from heaven upon the children of men, to see if there were any that did understand, and seek God.  They are all gone aside, they are all together become filthy: there is none that doeth good, no, not one.”  (Psa 14:1-3)

Goodness is one of the aspects of the fruit of the Spirit that I’ve found difficult to understand, thus the lateness of this next installment.  One of the toughest things to wrap my mind around is that, if we’re to take the Bible as truth (which I do), we are to believe that a person who doesn’t follow God is incapable of being good.  But, how can that be?  We all know of many people who are atheists, Buddhists, Muslims, Wiccans who do good deeds.  There are many philanthropists who want nothing to do with Christianity.  So, how can the Bible claim that anyone who doesn’t believe in and follow God is not good?

See, this used to be a sticking point for me before I became a Christian.  I saw myself as a good person.  I hadn’t killed anybody, I tried to be nice to people, and, sure, I told the occasional lie, but that didn’t make me a bad person, did it?

My problem was that I was comparing myself to other people.  I put myself somewhere in between Hitler and Mother Teresa, as a lot of us probably do.  What we don’t realize is that, being judged under the goodness of God, our goodness accounts for nothing.  This point was brought home to me by an effective illustration.  This girl was on a farm and happened to see a sheep.  She was amazed at how white the sheep’s wool was.  At that moment, it started to snow, and when she saw the wool compared to the pure whiteness of the snow, she saw how dingy and gray the sheep really was.  That’s how we compare ourselves.  We look at each other and measure ourselves against each other’s goodness.  “Well, we’re better than our neighbors, who yell at their kids all day long.”  “I’m better than my coworker, who cheats on his timesheet.”  Here’s the thing.  There is none that does good.  No, not one.  Suppose I handed you two glasses of water.  I told you one of them only had a cup of mud mixed in it, while the other had four cups of mud mixed in.  Which would you drink?  I know I would drink neither and go look for some pure water.  Well, we all have some mud in us.  None of us is pure.  Every one of us has sinned.  If you’ve told a lie, if you’ve lusted after someone else, if you’ve hated another person, those are all sins.  How many good deeds can you do to counteract those actions?  How much water can you add to muddy water to get rid of the mud?  You can dilute the mud, but the mud will still be there.

So, if there is none good, how can we possibly cultivate goodness as Christians?  Well, that’s the amazing thing.  Jesus forgives us of ALL of our sins.  He takes the mud out of our lives and makes our water clean and pure again.  Unfortunately, since we’re all human, we will stumble, we will sin, and our waters will get muddy again and again.  But Jesus is patient with us and He’s willing to continue to make us clean.  Some people take this as license to sin continually, since all their sins will be covered.  But that is absolutely wrong.  As true Christians, as people who have devoted their lives to Jesus, as people who daily take up their cross, the last thing they would want to do is sin, because they know the price that was paid for their salvation, their freedom from the bondage of sin.  Why would anyone willingly put the shackles of bondage back on?

One of the most important distinctions about the goodness of the world and the goodness of the Spirit is the intent behind it.  People of the world do good things in order to buy their way into heaven.  They think that if they do more good than bad, they will be accepted.  The question that brings up is, how many good deeds does it take to erase a bad deed?  And who’s keeping score?  And how does one know for sure that their scorecard has them on the winning team?

Christians do good deeds because it’s what Jesus wants them to do.  They don’t need to earn their way to heaven; the ticket has already been paid.

I know these are generalities, and there are plenty of Christians who still try to earn their way into heaven, unwilling to trust that the grace of Christ is sufficient, just as there are some non-Christians who do good deeds for the sake of the good deed.  But it’s the bad deeds that will send them to hell, no matter how good they try to be.

Want to see how good you are?  There’s a test at www.needgod.com.  See how well you do.

Gentle Pen

There’s nothing like taking a good long look in the mirror to really see the areas you might be lacking in. These last few weeks, I’ve been doing just that in revisiting Galatians 5:22-23. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.” So far, I’ve examined how much love, joy, peace and long-suffering there is in my life and, I hate to admit it, but it’s not as much as I would have hoped. Of course, that should go without saying. Until the day I die, I will always be trying to be more loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, gentle, good, faithful, meek and temperate. And I will succeed on some days better than others. I found, though, that gentleness may be one of the traits I most need to work on. I discovered that, when put to the test, my first response to most people is to be sarcastic and cutting – a far cry from gentleness. I know that I developed my sarcasm as a defense mechanism when I was younger, but the question put before me is, does sarcasm have any place in my life now that I’m an adult? I looked up the definition of sarcasm and found it is defined as “harsh or bitter derision or irony” and a “sneering or cutting remark.” It is derived from the Greek word “sarcasmos”, meaning “to tear flesh, gnash the teeth, speak bitterly.” Harsh, bitter, sneering? Tearing flesh? Those are not words that should be used to describe my Christian walk. And yet, I find myself constantly opening my mouth and “tearing flesh”. Some would say, me included before this past week, that sarcasm is harmless fun and a form of humor. In some cases, it can be. Saying “lovely weather” when it’s storming out is sarcasm, and it is harmless sarcasm. The sarcasm I’m referring to is the comment that comes at the expense of another person, even if the person being poked fun at is the speaker of the sarcastic comment. And that leads me to my second revelation this week.

I tend to use sarcasm to put myself down. That has also become a habit that grew out of self-defense in my younger years. I was made fun of, a lot, as a kid, so I learned that if I made fun of myself first, it could lessen the blow and, more importantly, take the fun away from those making fun of me by showing that I wasn’t bothered by the taunts, even if I really had been bothered by them. That has become the way I deal with a lot of things about myself, and I was reminded this week of a speech I heard from someone about the way we internally talk to ourselves. I wish I could remember where I heard the speech and who gave it, so I could give credit where credit is due, but all I can remember is what was said. We are kinder and gentler to strangers than we are to ourselves. We would be hard-pressed to go up to someone and call them fat, or ugly, or stupid. And yet, we would have no problem internally saying that about ourselves. I find that, even though I feel I’m not as gentle to others as I should be, I’m much less gentle to myself. The speaker asked his audience, “If you were standing before yourself as a child, would you say half the things to him or her that you say to yourself as an adult?” The answer for most people would be, of course not. Then he asked why should it be any different for us as adults?

Before people get the wrong idea and think I’m saying that we should ignore our faults, that’s not what I’m saying at all. What I’m saying is that we need to deal with our shortcomings with the same gentleness we would – or should – use towards others. What would you say to a friend who’s struggling with weight issues? (Hopefully, something encouraging!) Then, if you’re struggling with weight issues, why would you be so much harder on yourself? What would you say to a child who’s having a hard time grasping concepts at school? Then, if you’re having trouble learning something, why would you think less of yourself than you would that child?

While they may seem unrelated, these two revelations are inextricably linked. Being gentle to others is easier when I’m gentle to myself, and vice versa. Will it be easy changing habits that have developed over many years? The cliché “old habits die hard” is a cliché for a reason. But is it possible? Of course it is, especially with God’s help, with whom all things are possible. (Mat. 19:26) Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time for a nice, encouraging chat with my inner child…

Gentle on my Mind – 8/12/06

This week’s study is on gentleness, and I find that I am being put to the test again. I had to reread this myself today, in order to put things in the proper perspective. Here for your reading pleasure is my blast from the past on gentleness.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.”
Gal 5:22,23

Gentlenesss – to be gentle is to be considerate and kindly in disposition, according to dictionary.com. It’s a good biblical definition as well. The Greek word chrestotes – the word for gentleness – is defined as kindness and goodness. The word gentleness appears only four times in the Bible, twice in the Old Testament, and twice in the New Testament. 2 Samuel 22:36 says, “Thou hast also given me the shield of thy salvation: and thy gentleness hath made me great.” David is speaking after he has been rescued from Saul’s clutches. His song is repeated in Psalm 18:35. “Thy gentleness hath made me great.” Incredible words, but what’s even more incredible is that every Christian, every child of God, can say those same words. It is God’s gentleness, His kindness, that allows all of us to come to Him, to come to the cross, ask for His forgiveness, and, more importantly, to be granted that forgiveness. The third appearance of the word is in 2 Corinthians 10:1, which says, “Now I Paul myself beseech you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ, who in presence am base among you, but being absent am bold toward you:” Again, it refers to the gentleness of our Lord and Savior. But what, exactly, does it mean? How do we exhibit gentleness in our lives as proof of the Holy Spirit within us? There are a couple of excellent descriptions in the Bible. 1 Thessalonians 2:7 says, “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children.”So, one aspect of gentleness is to care for people as you would care for your children. 2 Timothy 2:24, 25 says, “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.” The servant of the Lord must not strive. To strive means to quarrel, fight, argue. So, another aspect of gentleness is not getting involved in conflict. That just means with our friends, right? Can’t we still argue with the people we don’t get along with? No. “But be gentle to all.” Even those who cause us grief. Family, co-workers, people who cut us off in traffic. We know we can’t do that on our own. We would like nothing more than to argue about everything. It is human nature to be combative, and it’s only through the power of the Holy Spirit that we can allow ourselves to be gentle toward each other. So, what can I do to ensure I’m bearing fruit in this aspect? I can think twice before getting into an argument with someone. I know there will be times when conflict will be inevitable and at those times I will have to make sure I remember to do all I do in love, showing the gentleness to others that Jesus shows to me. Will it be easy? Not always. Will it be possible? Absolutely, as long as I rely on the strength of my Creator and Savior to guide my steps.

Post – Patience

As promised, I do indeed have plenty to say about the past week, and I think it’s safe, now that it’s officially over. My focus for the week was on longsuffering, one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit. And it was a week filled with plenty of opportunities for me to practice patience.

One of the things people are told is that once you have Jesus in your life, once you become a Christian, your life is better. And it’s true. Your life is better because, by accepting that you are a sinner and Jesus can cleanse you of your sin, now you can be assured of spending eternity in heaven. The issue becomes when better is mistaken for easier. Jesus never promised our lives would be easy as Christians. If anything, He claimed the opposite. John 16:33 states, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” In this world, we shall have tribulation. But, for a Christian, that’s a good thing. I’m sure you’re thinking, how can I say that going through tribulations is a good thing for a Christian? Well, I’m not the one who says it. Romans 5:3-5 says “We glory in tribulations also, knowing that tribulation worketh patience, and patience, experience, and experience, hope, and hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”

Glory in tribulations? How is that possible? How can we take those trials that are thrown at us and glory in them? Well, that verse tells us how we can. Those trials help us practice patience, i.e. longsuffering, which is evidence of the fruit of the Spirit in a Christian. That patience leads to experience, which leads to hope, which leads to the love of God in our hearts. That’s a wonderful end result, but it’s one that begins with tribulation. The last thing I want to do when I face trials is glory in it. Instead, it’s usually the opposite: sadness, anger, self-pity, frustration. Those are the usual responses to tribulation. And these are some of the tribulations I was facing this week:

  • I learned that I may not be able to get a loan for my last semester of school. All I need is two more classes, and I may not be able to finish. I’ve been going through getting this degree for over two years, and now, with the finish line so close, I may not be able to finish the race.
  • I had to make up an extra vacation day that I took on my trip to New York that I did not have. That meant an extra two hours every day from Tuesday to Friday, which threw off my class work as well as some freelance work.
  • It seemed like every slow driver in Florida managed to make their way right in front of my car, no matter where I was going. Every trip seemed to take longer than usual.
  • There were a couple of major issues at work that caused problems for our department. I’d go into detail about the issues, but it’s so boring I’d be testing my readers’ longsuffering by offering the explanation. Suffice it to say that my job this week was more stress-filled than at any other point before, and that includes when we were facing major layoffs back in 2008.

Finally, this week culminated in a grand-scale test of patience, which tied in with my out-of-the-box experience for the week. For my out-of-the-box activity, I decided to have a yard sale. I’m a collector (hoarder), and I find it very difficult to get rid of things. Putting my stuff for sale is very much out of my comfort zone. So, I decided that Saturday morning I would have the yard sale. Late Friday night, I made signs and placed them in what I surmised to be strategic street corners. I woke up early Saturday morning, ready for the fun. I spent about twenty minutes taking everything out and was ready for the stream of buyers by 8. Then I waited….and waited…and…waited…

By 9:30, not a single person had stopped, and I decided that I would put an end to my futile endeavor at 10. But before 10 could roll around, I dropped my iPad onto the concrete, and it landed screen-down. I hesitantly picked it up, expecting the worst but hoping for the best. Expectations won out. A spider-web of cracks radiated from one end of the screen to the other. In one fell swoop, I managed to be the first person in history who threw a yard sale and lost money. When I went to pick up my signs, I found that two had mysteriously disappeared, and one had fallen down flat. When I returned home from picking up the signs, I set up an appointment at the Apple store, which wouldn’t be until later that day. When they saw the iPad, they said the only thing they could do was replace the unit, and because it was an accident, it would not be free. On the plus side, it was a lot cheaper than if I had to buy a brand new replacement. And by having to go to the Apple store, I also was not able to join my friend at a Tim Hawkins comedy show in Orlando, so my entire day ended up in no way, shape, or form even remotely to how I had hoped to spend it.

This is not even a comprehensive list. There were other, smaller, issues that seem larger when they’re occurring, but fall completely off the radar once they’re gone. I will admit that, at no time this week, did I find glory in any of those trials. But, maybe the glory in tribulation comes later, as one can look back and realize how much growth came about because of those tribulations. In which case, this is a week I’ll be looking back at fondly, amazed at how much opportunity for glory was given to me. And, in hindsight, I can see that each of my tribulations this past week were minor in the grand scheme of things. I’m two classes away. God has brought me this far, and if I’m meant to finish and get my degree, He will make a way. The extra hours I worked were a consequence of a week of fun, which was worth it. And now the time has been made up. All the issues at work blew over within a day or so, which meant there really was nothing to worry about. A slow driver in front of me could very well be God’s way of slowing me down so that I don’t end up in the middle of a wreck. And the iPad…well, as handy as it is to have, in the long run it doesn’t really matter. Did I hate to spend money I really couldn’t afford to spend? Absolutely. But, again, it’s only money, and that also doesn’t matter in the long run.

Now, I know some of you are thinking, “That’s all he had to deal with? If he knew the things I deal with, he would count himself lucky with the week he had.” And you would be right. The things I dealt with were minor in comparison to some of your issues. But the principle is still the same. Those things are in your life, so you can glory in them. Paul had a “thorn in his flesh” (2 Cor 12:7), which he asked God to remove. Paul then continued, “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” There’s the concept of glory in tribulation again. I should glory in tribulation and glory in infirmity, that the power of Christ may rest upon me and the love of God shows in my heart. Suddenly…last week doesn’t seem so bad after all.

Past Patience

As happened the last time I reached longsuffering in my study, my patience was tested this past week. I’ll write more about my present patience issues later. In the meantime, I wanted to share my blog from the last time with you. Enjoy!

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE…
8/5/06

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, against such there is no law.” (Gal. 5:22-23 KJV)

Longsuffering. This is one study I’ve been dreading doing. As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been tested on every aspect of the fruit of the Spirit I’ve studied so far, and I was not looking forward to my test in long-suffering.
The Greek word for long-suffering is makrothymia, and it’s defined as patience, forbearance, internal and external control in a difficult circumstance, which control could exhibit itself by delaying an action. Out of the seventeen times longsuffering is mentioned in both the Old and New Testaments, ten refer to the patience of God. Four times God’s mercy is tied in with his long-suffering. It’s because He is merciful that He is patient with us. His longsuffering appears throughout the Bible. Many times God was ready to pour his wrath on people who justly deserved it, but his mercy stayed his hand, sometimes temporarily, and sometimes permanently.
1 Peter 3:20 mentions how “the longsuffering of God waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was a preparing, wherein few, that is, eight souls were saved by water.” God intended to destroy the earth and its entire people, for they had become ungodly, partaking in immoral practices. Genesis 6:5 says, “And God saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” “But Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord” (Gen. 6:8). The Lord stayed His hand for one hundred and twenty years, waiting for Noah to build the ark that would save him and his family.I cant imagine waiting one hundred twenty minutes to do something I want to do, much less one hundred twenty years. Long-suffering – patience – is definitely something I struggle with, along with just about everyone else in the world.This is a rush-rush world, gotta have it now, a minute from now it will be too late. We are a society that needs microwave instructions for Pop-Tarts! We have instant coffee that can be ready in mere moments, fast food drive-thrus so we dont even need to get out of our cars to get food, which, by the way, never really seems to be fast, and can sometimes only barely be called food. Credit cards ensure we never have to wait to get the latest gadget, the 60-inch plasma TV we just have to have. We can’t wait till we can afford to pay for it straight out, because by then, the newest model will be out and we will need to get that one!
We are a society that can’t wait for a webpage to load up on a dial-up service. We need to have DSL – no, wait, too slow, make mine cable! (And yes, I’m guilty of this one. That status bar that shows the progress when a webpage is loading is the bane of my existence!) And heaven forbid there are more than three people in front of you in a line at a store. You’re going to have to spend maybe an extra five minutes waiting in line! About the only place where this rule doesn’t seem to apply is at Disney World. People willingly stand in line for over an hour in order to get on a five-minute ride. As one of those people who do that on a regular basis, it’s amazing to me that you never see the people in this line get frustrated or angry. Most people are talking with friends or family and just enjoying the experience. That might be a good attitude to take with you when you are waiting at the bank. Talk to the person behind you, enjoy the momentary break from having to rush anywhere. So, as Christians, one of the aspects of the fruit of the Spirit, one way you know that you’re heading in the right direction in your spiritual growth, is if you develop patience, if you can exhibit self-control in order to delay an action. In this day and age, that could seem nearly impossible. But of course, nothing’s impossible with God. I’ve had to ask myself how patient, how long-suffering I am. Compared to before I was a Christian, I can tell I’ve grown by leaps and bounds, but by no means have I got the patience thing down yet. I hate waiting, I struggle with self-control, and I find myself in situations I shouldn’t be in. So, does that mean I’ve fallen out of the will of God when that happens? I don’t think I do. God is merciful, and He is the ultimate in long-suffering and patience. And if He can be patient with me as I fall headlong into trouble, how can I not be patient with people who stumble across my path? If God is willing to wait for me to get my act together, how can I not be willing to wait on someone in my life who’s making a scene? Our patience is tested daily, whether by someone who cuts us off in traffic or by the person in front of us in the line who can’t seem to make up his mind whether he should go for the Big Mac or the Quarter Pounder. Remember, every single one of those trials is a good thing. Romans 5:3-5 says “We glory in tribulations also, knowing that tribulation worketh patience, and patience, experience, and experience, hope, and hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”
For those long-suffering folks who read this entire blog, I salute you, and I’m glad I was able to help you work patience, experience and hope. God bless you all.

The Missing Peace Meets the Big G-O-D

After a long week’s absence, I have finally returned. It seems I needed the week to recuperate from everything that has happened in the last couple of months. When I started my out of the box experiment, I would never have imagined how far it would take me. And it’s only been two months! Anyway, I have recovered and I am ready to jump back out of that box. And now, we can return to our regularly scheduled programming. Here is my blog on peace:

That song has been running through my head almost non-stop since I went back to New York. It’s not the lyrics in particular that I’ve been focusing on as much as the chorus. I’m not who I was. That’s what this trip has really proven to me.

One of the tasks I had set myself for my week in New York was to revisit my old haunts and try to see how much of my past I can recall. Unlike some people who can remember every moment from the moment they popped out of the womb, my memories of my past are hazy at best, nonexistent at worst. I figured maybe a trip through the neighborhoods might trigger something and send memories flooding back.

My first stop early in the week was a neighborhood that brought back bad memories. I suffered one of my most humiliating moments as a kid there. Mind you, I’ve had plenty of humiliating moments as an adult, but an adult can laugh it off. For a child, humiliation can cause deep wounds. As I walked through the neighborhood, I realized that I could not remember the details of my humiliation. All I remembered was really liking a girl but being too shy to tell her. The rest of the neighborhood kids got wind of my attraction and set up a prank, leading me to believe she was into me too. The worst part, the most humiliating part, was when I found out she was in on the prank.

I walked down that street and I felt nothing. It was so long ago, and I had come so far that, while I remembered the terrible event, the scars had all healed.

Later in the week, I revisited another old neighborhood and, even though things felt vaguely familiar, I had no feelings towards anything I saw. Ditto for revisiting my old junior high school and high school. It was then that I realized that none of that was me any longer. I’m not who I was. There was pain and loneliness growing up, but I managed to grow in spite of, or maybe because of, that pain. There was never a steady, stable place I could call home, but I have since learned what home really is. I was shy, awkward and withdrawn – those of you who know me are shaking your heads in disbelief right now, but it’s true! – but I have since learned how to open up and let people in.

I have now spent more time away from New York than in it. Can I still call myself a New Yorker? I don’t think I can. I was born and raised there, true, but I don’t think I really started discovering who I was until I moved away. And, honestly, I’m still working on figuring out who I am. But I know this. I’m not who I was.

What does all this have to do with peace? To put it simply, revisiting my past made me realize how little peace I had in my early life. Constant moving, no friends to rely on, pressure at school. I tried to find peace by moving, but no matter where I moved to, my problems came with me. I tried to find peace in relationships, but, if anything, they provided more stress. I tried to find peace in many things, but any peace they may have provided was temporary. It wasn’t until I found my way to the Prince of Peace that this hole within me, this missing piece, was finally filled. And now, no matter what life throws at me, no matter what upheavals may come, I can be at peace. Not the temporary, worldly peace, but the eternal peace, knowing that my God is in control.